Not long after, I had a large kettle of soup simmering. There was one particular sergeant that worried about everything possible. I instantly knew I was in the right outfit when I looked around. Aeronautical Humor. I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a very close shave. On-time Arrival Obscure term meaning unknown, 63. 1. I was standing watch when an old, run-down freighter named Sagar Moti passed by. Once during target practice, an unmanned drone flew past an antiaircraft cruiser. Reply: No, I say again. Sidling right up to the student, the speaker shouted in his ear, What would you do for a patient in the event of a nuclear war? The pilot of the 727 complained, "Do you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make a three-sixty in this airplane?, Without hesitating the controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth! Eat up! He looked over at the Soldier and said when are we going to stop playing these games, spitting in each others boots and pissing in each others drinks, its so juvenile!. You had tents?, A drill sergeant yells at his young trainee, I didnt see you at camouflage training this morning, private!, The private replies, Well, thank you very much, sir., A general gets stuck in his Jeep on the side of the road. I have been telling the same joke for a lot of years, but today I will change it up. "OK Suzy" said the teacher, "please tell the class your. The ships operations officer entered the messdeck, his eyes bleary and at half-mast. When I enlisted in my teens, I took up smoking cigars to make myself look more mature. ", "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?". A visitor, returning to Kuwait for the first time since the Gulf War, was impressed by a sociological change. 4. After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them There are three rules in this mess hall- Shut up! 10. One day, the pilot of a single-engine Cherokee was told by the tower to hold short of the runway while a DC-8 landed. Good judgment comes from experience. Takeoffs are optional. Hotel/Car Rental Shuttle Bus Vehicle subject to paranormal effects. Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. The reason? Katees passion for writing and fascination for language has forever guided her path in life. What Do You Call a Soldier Who Survived Mustard Gas and Pepper Spray? Both have been racing sled dogs for decades. A military cargo plane, flying over a populated area, suddenly loses power and starts to nose down. But before I could get out, he pointed to the other end of the building and said, The band entrance is that way. Gordon Van Otteren. While drinking their beers, the smart-ass fighter pilot decided to ask, How many did you end up catching today.. A drill serGENTLEMEN! During the question-and-answer period, he was asked, How did you know the war was over? You might be a Coastie if a cruise does not sound like a vacation to you. Now, lets try it again! Major countries like the USA, India, Russia, and China have the . As part of my Naval Reserve requirements at Emory University Dental School, I attended a talk about proper dental procedures following nuclear warfare. Later, I spoke with Mom. Aircraft Pilot "Radar, we're a flight of two A10s, currently overhead and, er, we've forgotten our callsign", Radar Controller: "No problem, we'll allocate temporary ones: adopt callsign Stupid One and Stupid Two". Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. Later, I spoke with Mom. One day an airman, an Army soldier, and a Marine were talking about the hardships they faced during their last deployment. Even his son turned up. I thought you had to be in relatively good shape to join the Marines.. Thats why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship. The steaming jungles of Vietnam were not my husbands first choice of places to spend his 21st birthday. Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him umpteen times, Stop telling people Im in the Army! It finally seemed to hit home because on the admittance form for kindergarten, under fathers profession, the teacher wrote, He doesnt know what his father does, but hes not in the Army.. In the 50s, I was a clerk typist at our base headquarters in Verdun, France. The fighter jet stops whining once the engines are cut off. Not to mention, when spending many hours deployed and away from home, telling jokes and connecting through humor is the best way to avoid the difficulty of real life. However, even with full power, the little plane could not handle the load and went down a few moments after take-off. Whats the difference between the Boys Scouts and the Army? An Army ranger, Air Force P.J., Navy seal, and a Recon Marine. OHH OHOH! To begin with, the U.S. in early 2022 had 38,500 troops stationed on German soil almost 40% of the total number it deploys in all of Europe. Discover a funny military joke about the U.S. Army with this list. I asked an employee whether they still carried my deodorant. How tough? You will not live long enough to make all of them yourself. Problems reported by Pilots and Solutions noted by Aircraft Engineers in aircraft Technical Logs. The only time you have too much fuel is when youre on fire. The list below includes humorous one-liners and stories that will make your military friends and family members laugh like never before. Ask the Army to secure a building and they will set up a perimeter around it and make sure nobody gets out. Dad got quiet. Had a new guy conduct a boom test on a howitzer by yelling Boom! down the tube in order to calibrate it The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level. Thanks. Why did the Soldier bring a blanket to an active battle zone? A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind shifts. This website is not affiliated with the United States Marine Corps, and the information on this website does not necessarily reflect the opinions of the Marine Corps as a whole. Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas As a pilot only two bad things can happen to you and eventually one of them will. 2. 9. I just shut down two engines, kid" came the sarcastic reply. S | Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. Because hes a captain in the Air Force. Each branch has its own traditional jokes that have caused a lot of laughing for many years. After an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest military assignment, my mother wearily arrived at Rhein-Main Air Base, in Germany, with my eight siblings and me, all under age 11. The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. What did one panicking sailor say to the other? My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about. We have one or two in here! What would you do if you came upon an injured man with a steering wheel embedded in his chest? Nervous and unsure, I blurted out, Drive him to the hospital? For some reason, the rest of the room found this hilarious. Another landing like that and I'll have enough parts for another one.". In this great little clip, an SR-71 pilot tells a story about flying around the Western United States to build up crew hours when small plane pilots started calling into air traffic control to ask . In his free time, he enjoys hunting, hiking, running, shooting guns, and reviewing gear. A Recruiter Misled You. A LOOtenant! Caller: Is Sgt. The controller while working a busy shift told a 727 on downwind to make a three-sixty (do a complete circle, usually to provide spacing between aircraft). Military 3. "Last one off the plane has to clean it", 25. Collective Military Hardships One day an airman, an Army soldier, and a Marine were talking about the hardships they faced during their last deployment. Students are great about sending our troops letters, and the troops love em. So I quit ordering it.. 4th of July 2022: Celebrating the Birth of Our Nation & Its Heroes, Military Appreciation Month 2022: Saluting Those Who Serve, Veterans Day 2022: Celebrating Those Whove Served. 14. What do Marines have in common with other members of the Armed Forces? Bomber Pilots Do Them Too. I walked into the orderlys room and asked Sarge if I could borrow his master key. Two hunters got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. Auld Lang Slice This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your Flight Attendants, 24. 3. Aircraft Engineers 1. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known position? ! If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to military_jokes@strategyworld.com. Dear Soldier, If youre having a rough day, remember the most important thing in life is to be yourself. Speed is life. He was holding a toothbrush, which he proceeded to use to scrub underneath the rim of a toilet. Whats the difference between God and a fighter pilot? Corporal Wabo is a former Infantry Squad Leader with 3rd Bn 4th Marines that specialized in Mortars. Related read: 11 of the Best Veteran Memes That Perfectly Sum Up Veteran Humor. Aboard a troop carrier crossing the Atlantic, I noticed a seasick pal of mine losing it over the railing alongside several other soldiers. He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. Even his son turned up. Next time I send a damn fool, I go myself., My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate, 18. My granddaughters husband was complaining about how spellcheck changes the meaning of e-mails when an Air Force officer told him this story: Hed sent a message to 300 of his My dad and uncles were all in the Army during wartime, but only two of the three served overseas. While in Kuwait, shortly before we deployed to Iraq, a major general told our meeting that we should expect to cross into Iraq in less than 24 hours. He then My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about. I felt confident as I aimed and squeezed the trigger of my carbine for my first shot. In an attempt to keep, the passengers from standing or moving around before taxiing was completed the Flight Attendant of an internal flight said over the PA, "Ladies and Gentlemen. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. If you want it any closer than that, youll have to bite em off from the inside.. One night, he returned to the dorm in his perfectly pressed uniform, his newly acquired name tag in his hand. P | Engine noise at an unbelievable high level. It was our first day on the rifle range at Lackland Air Force Base. Youre standing in it, sir, said the sergeant. I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. Tell these quips to a friend in the service to give them a good chuckle. Because hes a captain in the Air Force. Mother, As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. While serving in Vietnam, my friend and his buddies were hunkered down in a mud-filled hole that had been dug into the side of a berm and covered with lumber for protection. Trask (his last name) used that heritage to lord it over me. The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers to this website may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. One day you will walk out to your aircraft NOT KNOWING that it is your last flight. Soldier: Sure, buddy. Reproduction of any part of this website without direct permission is prohibited. Attention! Louis, I grumbled. My husband is infantry, and he said the most wonderful things to convince me to marry him: The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing Humankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there. Sometimes I think war is Gods way of teaching us geography. Why were the Marines invented? Sure, its hilarious to poke fun at rival branches sometimes. Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. What is a Soldiers least favorite month? Marines Say OOOOORAH! Members of the U.S. Navy are known to be a pretty sarcastic bunch. What do you call someone who joined the military out of spite? 29. Because the Army needed heroes too. Rodrigues there? I'm impressed! We were inspecting several lots of grenades. After a very heavy landing in Halifax, the Flight Attendant announced; Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. 3) The pen used by the military meets 16 pages of military specs. Please speak after the tone or, if you require more options, listen to the following numbers: A. The soldier swore under his breath at the Marine and told him he wanted to get up and get a drink. The next day, I received a letter addressed to Sgt. Once during target practice, an unmanned drone flew past an antiaircraft cruiser. Decodes 7. When the the Marine came back the Soldier nodded and thanked him for the drink, very pleased he pulled one over on the Marine. An officer calls a young Soldier to attention, scolding him for not attending camouflage training that morning. Dedicated To All Who Flew Behind Round Engines. At least SEVEN Cs! It was carefully encased in a Tupperware container and came with this note: Dick, when youre finished, can you mail back my container?. 64. One of the reasons the Air Force, Army, Navy, and Marines bicker so much is because they dont speak the same language. Why does the military only allow dress shirts during ceremonies and events? We were a tough group. I admit itI have a tendency to exaggerate, and I was afraid when I joined the Navy that my creativity might get me in trouble. We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. 1) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk because of a malfunctioning toilet. After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, Did you ever kill anyone? The danger of incident is no jokein 1985, a Japanese 747 airliner lost its tail midflight and plummeted into a mountain, killing 520 in the deadliest aircraft accident involving just one plane . The only time you have too much fuel is when youre on fire. You had tents?" What kind of grades do you need to have in order to join the Navy? A young pilot in a Fighter Jet was flying escort for a B-52 Bomber and generally being a nuisance, acting like a big hotshot, flying loops around the lumbering old bomber. I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. . A young customs official watched our entourage in disbelief, "Ma'am" he said, "Do all these children and this luggage belong to you? I was very nervous, she said. But other times, we also want some good clean humor with no chance of ruffling feathers. What did you do? 8.3.4 Modern aviation history. So he yells to the soldiers in back to throw things out to make the plane lighter. Where is your foxhole, Lieutenant? I asked. One is a SEAL, and the other is an otter! The Soldier agreed, and when the Marine went to get his drink he started spitting in the Marines boots. During that first roll call in the Army, I waited in dread as the sergeant got to my name: DiFeliciantonio. On an internal Flight with a very Senior Flight Attendant crew, the pilot said, Ladies and Gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. Pre-flight briefing from Canadian Air Force Pilot If you hear me yell Eject, Eject, Eject, the last two will be echoes. An old Marine Sergeant was standing near the edge of the puddle with his fishing line in a puddle. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we landit's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern". Yes, said the lieutenant. Fighter Training Manual Airspeed, Altitude, and Brains Two are always needed to successfully complete a flight, 7. 35. You seem in a good mood., He replied, Im paying a private to do all my worrying for me.. Altitude is life insurance. I enjoyed the humor section quite a bit. Did it work? If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. Oh, youre a troop who survived pepper spray AND mustard gas? Bad altitude. Thanks.. Spread the humor by leaving a secret written joke on a neighbor's stoop, a colleague's desk, or mail it to your best friend. Full Disclosure Here. Rodrigues? If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I will not charge you. Forty years later, Dad met the man responsible, and he told him how impressed he had been. Why didnt the troop tell anyone about their rank in the military? It was World War IIthe frontand we were on high alert. 42. He then asked conspiratorially, Do you want to keep your sideburns?I perked up. 5) The Franco-Prussian War ended in a stalemate and had to be settled by a winner-take-all game of backgammon played by the two countries prime ministers. Comedian Martha Raye was a great supporter of the military and made many trips to Vietnam to entertain the troops. Caller: Is Sgt. Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. Discover the best military jokes with this expansive list that covers some old ones and some new ones to brighten your smile. It was our first day on the rifle range at Lackland Air Force Base. (Sign over the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena, Japan). Now, he said, when I say left, its the one that hurts.. Reply: This is a lighthouse your call.. The Marine insisted that since he was in the aisle seat he would get it for him. 41. He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. and his platoon of recruits were marching, their sergeant slipped and tumbled down a ravine. Why won't you kiss me? During basic training at Fort Leavenworth, our sergeant asked if anyone had artistic abilities. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. WARNING: Tons of dad jokes lie ahead. Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. and some others fell to the ground quickly and did their push-ups. Why arent there any insects in an Army base? Ive been sandblasted.. Everything from puns to some sarcastic one-liners are included in the Army jokes below to crack on an Army member you know and love. Theres a post recall and he went to work. My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you? the base operator asked him. Marine Approved is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associate Program. The sergeant came in, grabbed a spoon, and took a taste. He then added confidentially, Weve already been through three escorts. Death is just natures way of telling you to watch your airspeed. How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? One day, the rain was pouring like crazy and a big puddle formed in front of a local pub just outside the Navy base. Why do flight attendants make great astronauts? Why? I asked. Learn from the mistakes of others. The local band hired to greet them was playing a popular hit of the time, I Wonder Whos Kissing Her Now.. When the plane was descending for the landing, the Marine put his boots back on and quickly realized the Soldier had been spitting in his boots. The ships operations officer entered the messdeck, his eyes bleary and at half-mast. Adding one, came from my saw carrying ARMY soldier: How many Marines does it take to fire a machine gun? I heard this one from my basic training company commander. Six Triple Eight Film by Tyler Perry Is Coming to Netflix, Havana Syndrome Still a Mystery, but Foreign Involvement Unlikely, After a Storied Career, Paris Davis Is Finally Receiving His Medal of Honor, Here are 200 Remote Jobs for Veterans in 2023. February 24, 2023 Two B-52s Fly Over Tallinn For Estonia Independence Day Military Aviation February 23, 2023 F-35C . Military jokes, Aviation humor, Military humor Explore Education Career Save From scontent-mxp1-1.xx.fbcdn.net Military Jokes N Nawar K. 644 followers More information Military Jokes Army Humor Funny Photos Funny Images Aviation Humor History Jokes Warrior Quotes Stupid Funny Memes Hilarious More information . Now, they are wanted for dessertion. From the pilot during his welcome message: We are pleased to announce that we have some of the best Flight Attendants in the aviation industry. Two Army second lieutenants started debating over certain distances. A military private saying I learned this in boot camp [Answered]. From the plane came a laconic southern voice: . Why do optometrists set their clocks to military time? What do you call a second lieutenant surrounded by PFCs? A lieutenant stood up and asked, Is that 24 hours our time or 24 hours their time?. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you've made. Co-Pilot: What?!. The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. 8. Sure!With that, he revved up the razor, clipped off my sideburns, and gave them to me. You would think that being a submarine captain would pay well, but Ive heard that they cant keep their heads above water. He finally comes dragging in at. Soldier: WTF, you had air conditioners? Navy Pilot: Were flying faster than the speed of sound! You had tents?, USAF: Birds What would As A.J. But I had the last laugh. This site contains affiliate links. Even better, have them explain the joke to you after and have a good laugh yourself. The hotshot said over the air, "Anything you can do, I can do better". The owner of this website does not guarantee offers on this site, and all offers should be viewed as recommendations only. Picking up some unidentifiable gear, I said, I didnt get one of these! They bagged six. The pilot did all kinds of fancy manoeuvres, but not a word was heard. Aircraft Carriers Airshows Aviation History Aviation Humor Books Civil Aviation Cold War Era Drones F-14 Tomcat Helicopters Losses/Aviation Safety MiG Killers Military Aviation Space SR-71 Blackbird SR-71 Top Speed U.S. Navy Warbirds Weapons Yearly Summary. A military sergeant lieutenant saying Based on my experience If at least ONE military joke below doesnt make you giggle, well, wed be concerned. 3. Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. The MPs read the letter, saluted, and left. He thought he would be home about 13:30. I smiled and said, Sure was a lot of em, huh sir?. Soldier: No, SIR!. An airplane! And we don't even wonder 'why' because one has to twiddle their thumbs one way or another. I met his wife and baby and was impressed that he had all his flight gear neatly laid out on a table. I would stay behind and neatly print each soldiers name onto his Army-issued underwear. When the Marine finishes up, he starts to head for the door. "Throw out more!" shouts the pilot. A sailor and a marine are both in the bathroom peeing. Pilot "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Fighter Training Manual You know your landing gear is UP and LOCKED when it takes full power to taxi to your parking spot. Where is your foxhole, Lieutenant? I asked. He then made his way to my side. He holds the bulb and then the world revolves around him to screw it in. You might be in the Coast Guard if you abbreviate words so much that you forget how to spell them out. We know that there are hundreds and hundreds of military jokes out there. Some are jokes that only the U.S. Air Force can understand while others are jokes made about those who are USAF members. The dog is there to bite the pilot if the man so much . Why is the United States Air Force the most patriotic military branch? Whats the main mission of the Marine Corps? Baltimore, said Dad. Caller: OK. However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from We were inspecting several lots of grenades. Economy Class Conditions under which transportation of animals would constitute a criminal offence, 57. My father was serving in a port city in postWorld War II Germany when a ship laden with GIs docked. If not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off of Highway 101 and make a right at the lights to return to the airport, 52. The two lads objected strongly. The c.i.a. It was World War IIthe frontand we were on high alert. So, instead, they put me in the Navy since I was a sub-marine. My dad and uncles were all in the Army during wartime, but only two of the three served overseas. As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. Funny military jokes are a great way to bring some morale to our service people, so whip out a few of these military jokes at your next gathering of family or friends to get some guaranteed laughs. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. The other Sergeants noticed that he looked more relaxed than ever. The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. The Marine said Are you crazy? If pilots screw up, they die. 4) At the real-life Topgun programthe one the film was based onthere is a $5 fine for any staffer who references or quotes the movie. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week" The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. Read more. "They're all mine. Dear Veterans, You rock more than AC/DC or Metallica or Red Hot Chili Peppers. A friend paid my mother a visit. What do you use on your face to keep it so smooth? I During orientation at Fort Sill, in Oklahoma, our first sergeant stated that if anyone lost his locker key to see him, as he kept a master key in his office. More information More like this What do you call a snail that boards a Navy ship? Awesome page, I came out of the US Army in 92. Can You Name All 8 United States Uniformed Services? Me: Hello? The Blonde Fighter Pilot My husbands cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. You can always leave the joke in a funny mug, or a pilot mug if the person is into aviation. ! Again, no reply. Ramrod straight, each would respond, Marine Air Group 36, sir or Second Marine Division, General. Then there was one young private. A LOOtenant! You might be in the Coast Guard if you think of Fridays as field days. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. A military warrant officer saying Okay now watch this shit. A joke told repeatedly at aviation industry conferences puts a man and a dog in an airplane. When they come home, they get to leave their inlaws thousands of miles away. We were a tough group.