He and I read together every night when i was little, and I remember reading beauty and the beast with him, which I cant imagine was his first choice. Wed do something hed want to do (touring a waste water treatment plant seriously), and then wed do something I wanted to do a couple weeks later (he took me to see Rent when I was 13!). He did research and found these beautiful Gotz dolls for my sister and I. I do that with everyone I know who likes baseball, which probably makes me annoying, but its what I do. but this might be the best Ive ever read here. He still clips those articles, and even though he and I are a ways apart politically, I can always trust them to have something well-reasoned and thoughtful to say. A few years from now this guys daughter interests may have changed, but she wont be bothering to talk to him about it or anything at all, most likely. Our daughter just turned thirteen and she loves Star Trek, Dr. Who, Cat Warriors, fantasy books, theater and acting and swimming. Yeah, ditching a piano recital where the child is performing a talent or whatever is different from rolling your eyes at a TV show they like. going to museums? sarolabelle It is definitely a good idea for the LW to lead her daughter by example by showing an interest in Dads interests and even suggesting an outing that he would like or that all of them would enjoy. And then it was like ok, you dont have to do that (not that I ever DID have to, I wanted to go, and then discovered it sucked). But hes an adult and should show an equal interest in what his daughter likes instead of disparaging her interests and rolling his eyes at her. Instead, you never know how they are going to react to a given situation. I literally didnt know that the wonders of Classic Rock existed until I got to college. I think you are probably right. No. July 3, 2013, 12:54 am, Uh oh some you will be called BSLBH. When I got to college and met all these kids whod been exposed to more high-brow stuff than I had, I definitely felt like I had to play catch-up to at least even have an opinion on this stuff. July 2, 2013, 11:53 am. Just because you dont like Buffy and have introduced a bunch of facts that dont exist in the letter (your comment below about what the dad has been putting up with for years!?!) And her ongoing view that this somehow makes her the better parent is definitely bordering on malicious, I got into I Love Lucy and Bewitched thanks to my mom!! When crazy-making partners are not driven by malevolent motives, they are very open to changing their behavior if it is pointed out in a non-judgmental environment. It is as if some hidden combination of childhood trauma and life experience made them terrified to owe their partners anything. The way hes acting could be a response to feeling alienated, Im sure, but right now it seems hes trying to run a bit of tyrannical household (with the assignments, & the verboten music and television). Do not let that behavior continue. Theres something to be said for respecting other peoples interests and personalities. My husband's daughter is coming to visit. So as not to be hurt again, they simply avoid situations where they think they will need to expose their feelings or emotions. And that if he continues to do so, he risks damaging these relationships still further. findingtheearth Both of them are alike in that they are argumentative, particularly with each other, and if they disagree with each other or even have a misunderstanding neither will let it go, such that WE end up with ridiculous escalating fights.. If one of them moves over 100 miles away, then the arrangement changes to each meeting half way. My mom put me in ballet because she thought it would be cute, which was fine, but I wish theyd made me do a sport for a while or a musical instrument. painted_lady July 2, 2013, 4:12 pm, See, I think that is horrible of your stepfather. Oh, how fun for all three of you to just sit around endlessly for hours while the dvd player spins Buffy endlessly And then, next, comes Angel! As a counterpoint, I loved all the things my dad liked and he tried to do things I liked. If your daughter has seen how much pain and suffering can come from being in an unhappy marriage, she may not want to put herself through the same thing later on down the road. Can Humans Detect Text by AI Chatbot GPT? July 2, 2013, 2:33 pm. My family was big on card games and board games, but my dad didnt participate much, which bummed me out. lets_be_honest You couldnt easily figure out what was going on, and you probably liked the challenge, so you became an eager relationship sleuth, avidly assembling clues that seem to make the next move more predictable. Game of Thrones? She may also believe that by getting divorced, youll finally be able to find the happiness that you deserve. Unless its, you know, the lastest Madonna tour or album . :: If you have a problem you need help with, email Fiona by writing to help@askfiona.net for advice. She is also noncompetitive. Its not easy being caught in the middle, but its important to remember that you cant please everyone all the time. I think what Wendy is missing in her response is dealing with the fathers attitude towards his daughters interests. A game of Munchkin would be fun for all its geek references for you, and is playful enough that your husband might enjoy it. My husband is a HUGE Firefly fanboy. He. Shouldnt some autonomy be introduced at an appropriate age? Most certainly. I was closer to my mom, and even closer with my friends in the neighborhood. When I was 12 I thought New Kids on the Block was a real legitimately talented band. As time went by, your belief that you had any influence at all was fading. Choose a moment when he seems relaxed and talk with him about your worries. Youve talked about this over and over and your husband still interrupts your conversations because they annoy him? Im sorry, but the father is an asshole. All of this has tended to push her (and me, to some extent) away from him. Many things can contribute to this type of conflicts, such as personality clashes or differing parenting styles. lets_be_honest lets_be_honest I was just trying to say basically the same thing, but it got all garbled. Buffy was popular in what, 1997? bittergaymark I cant think of a single interest that we shared from when I was a teenager that I didnt learn from him in some way. So, dont deprive your daughter of the sort of things you learn about life when doing not fun things with one of your parents. Continue with Recommended Cookies. The Inner Light Seriously. And like I said above, I like the idea of assignments to widen your daughters horizons. If the issue is raised during a child custody . July 2, 2013, 11:25 am. Theres alot wrong going on here, the parents should definitely get counseling to learn better communication and parenting skills. July 3, 2013, 3:53 am, Music or even musical pop icons was, curiously, NEVER mentioned specifically by the LW. My mom hated most of those things and really didnt make an effort to get involved. Theyve Seen Firsthand How Unhappy Their Parents Are, 3. Also, I want to tell an awesome story about my dad. And my dad is so crazy into going to my games Walter said he was yelling his head off at the last one. I went to on a three week roadtrip with her last spring (LA to New Orleans) a year ago in January And then we went to Bali for two weeks. Eventually I grew up and learned to appreciate these things, and I can look back and say wow, my dad was so great and modeled the type of behavior I should show. Also, my father took me to the new Disney movie every year. It may take years and years before the pay-off is apparent. Your kid may not always enjoy the activities you make them do, but part of being a parent is helping them develop into a good adult. I had the same experience at college! Definitely! If you want to bring about change in your family, though, you are going to have to get him to confront the fact that his behaviour is hurtful, destructive, and possibly even cruel. Sorry but I dont understand why you married him. But no amount of time spent is going to make an experience with someone who doesnt really respect you as you are more enjoyable. Awesome post, Wendy The whole time reading the letter I was feeling a bit sorry for the dad, but mostly in the sense of Wow, sucks for him that hes such a big fat pain in the ass and no one likes him. Then I read your response and realized even if he is a pain in the ass, Mom has lots to work on too. MAY THEY DIE IN LOTS OF FIRES. Addie Pray Older and (hopefully) wiser Shes not talking about the Kardashians, but is talking about shows/books that mature, intelligent adults like. Make it easier for him to be his best self. I hope the LW looks to the comments because she is not wrong to feel hurt and confused and could have used guidance which I dont think you supplied. 2. The letter says the daughter cant watch what she is interested in when he is around. , Did anyone else ever watch Home Improvement? But since I knew his motivation for liking things was less about me than it was about his own inadequacy, and I didnt actually like him as a person. So yes, foster her interests, but cultivate in her an ability to relate to other people and appreciate their interests too. A parent should NEVER make fun of their child. Ha! You may feel like you are caught between a rock and a hard place, trying to appease both of them while also trying to maintain the peace in your home. I was so bad at the sports I was enrolled in that I would cry and beg not to go back, because I was the worst and everyone let me know it. How easy it must be to cultivate a close relationship and enjoy time together when you both like the same stuff! I dont care that much about baseball, but my dad is a fanatic so I played catch with him in the backyard and had fun because we were spending time together. I agree with Wendy here. I really think there might be a way for dad and daughter to meet in the middle here. He's worked extremely hard for as long as I have known him, and provided a good home for me and our three children. Although this trip, for the first time ever, I strung the fish after I caught it. How to Convince a Senior to Stop Driving. She may still resent her father and you! I used to whine like crazy when my dad tried to teach me about cars or home improvement, or talk about politics. Extend invitations on appropriate occasions. There are many things I love about my husband. Crazy-makers often give up the love they most desperately need when they feel any sense of an obligatory payback. Theres got to be at least one thing that the two of them have in common. I mean, really, isnt that how you build a relationship with anyone? That being said, its important to have fun hobbies, and I agree with their is a balance. And so does dad. I really dont think this situation falls entirely on the husband. It makes me very depressed that the new Star Trek movies are so popular when the brilliance of DS9 and TNG are all but forgotten amongst our youth . Mythbusters and other shows have done a number of episodes on sci-fi meet reality, too. painted_lady YES! But talking about that kind of shit non-stop is just BORING. I hope that you can in the process of all this also try to strengthen your marriage, because when your daughter gets new interests in two years or doesnt want to hang out with her parents or even when she moves out of the house, your husband is going to be the one who youre left with.